Once upon a time, there was a little State called New York.  And in this land lived a lot of witches. One day the biggest witch, Hillary Clinton announced that she was leaving and going to the White House where she could personally service the King.  That left another witch happy and wringing her hands. "Surely without Hillary I am now the fairest of all the New York reps" thought witch McCarthy.  So she went to her magic mirror and prayed, "mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest New York Congress critter of them all?" As she sat there in glee waiting for the expected answer, she was almost knocked to the floor when Chucky Schumer appeared in the mirror and pronounced "why it is representative Kirsten Gillibrand of course!" 


Constitution Hater Carolyn McCarthy

How can that be? Thought McCarthy. Why Kirsten Gillibrand is "A" rated by the NRA. "Isn't that illegal in New York? Certainly it is immoral as it does not promote world socialism," thought McCarthy.  "Tell me my master, why is she the fairest? I worship the devil and hate America more than her," pleaded McCarthy, "why, Chucky, why? She doesn't even hate the Bill of Rights so how could you say she is fairer than I?".   "Simple", replied Schumer, "she is kind of hot and you are butt-ugly.  I may be a New York male, but I'm not an Idaho Senator either, if you know what I mean?"

Bill of Rights lover Kirsten Gillibrand

Witch McCarthy was furious. "How dare Schumer pick an American over a true New Yorker like me!" So, in a fit of rage, she used her most obnoxious weapon—her face—and smashed the magic mirror into pieces destroying Chuck Schumer forever.  "Now, to get rid of that NRA bitch once and for all, " thought McCarthy, "this will take more than just New York. I will have to gather the Libtard Coven from both coasts." 

So witch McCarthy began her evil incantations and before long summoned witches Pelosi, Boxer and Feinstein. Together, the four combined their power, forming the gaggle of numbnuts.  The gaggle began their evil chanting, "it's for the children, it's for the children, it's for the children."  Soon they had whipped themselves into a frenzy "COMMON SENSE! COMMON SENSE!" they shouted.  At the zenith of their power, they loosed everything in their arsenal on the unsuspecting Gillibrand.

Gillibrand was pelted with a barrage of socialist propaganda and nonsense.  Almost too much to bear, Gillibrand began to cave in. Then just when she was beginning to quote Karl Marx, there was a flash of light.  In front of the gaggle of numbnuts stood Wayne LaPierre, shielding the failing Gillibrand.  It was short-lived, however.  Wayne's power was weakened after using it to shield John McCain last year—once you waste your energy on a RINO, it takes a while to rebuild your strength.  I'll be back, he called as he too collapsed under the gaggles incessant rambling.

Gillibrand and LaPierre lay motionless. In one last attempt to save them, Wayne reached for his concealed carry handgun. However, the gaggle had chosen a National Park in which to launch their assault so he reached into a holster of nothingness—the new King had seen to that.  It was a dark hour indeed. The gaggle continued to spew putrid filth and excrement from the cesspools beneath their wart-covered noses.

All was not lost, however.  Gillibrand used her last remaining energy and called forth for goodness to defeat the evil coven. There was a peal of thunder that sounded strangely like the roar of a .50 BMG.  Then the clouds parted and the arch angel Sarah Palin descended in a shining white helicopter. In one hand she held an AR-15 and in the other she grasped the leash to a snarling wolf. "Unhand that brave woman" Palin commanded. 

"You are no match for the gaggle of numbnuts" the coven replied in unison. However strong they felt, however, they had failed to add their greatest voice to the gaggle. The mouth of Hillary was, uh, busy in Washington and had failed to answer the call of the coven. That one missing link to their power would now prove to be their undoing.

The angel Sarah Palin then turned loose the leash and Ted Nugent tore into the gaggle, ripping them to shreds.  When it was over, the sun began to shine. With the  stench of the gaggle gone, the Libtard Coven had lost part of its power. 

Kirsten Gillibrand turned to Sarah Palin and asked, "I don't know what we will do. We have saved the Constitution for now , but you and I are still on opposite sides of the aisle and we have yet to stop the King from damaging it any further." 

"Well one of us will have to take the lead. We know that reach around the aisle and centrist crap doesn't work." replied Palin. 

"And ACORN will see to it that there is never another free election," added Gillibrand.

"Then there is only one way for us to settle this struggle" offered Palin. "You and I will have to wrestle naked in jello for it. No matter who ends up on top, America will still already have won!"

"You got that right," smiled Ted Nugent. "Is this the greatest country or what?"

-And everyone lived happily ever after.

Newsday: McCarthy Knocks Kirsten Gillibrand.