I can't tell you how much Verizon sucks. Its kinda like a hangover—you only understand if you've had one. With Verizon, it is the same way: If you have it, you already know. If you don't have it, you can't imagine the piss-poor service and level of dipshits they hire to deal with.

On June 21, I called Verizon Moves to get my phone, DSL and satellite moved to the house I am building. I asked for a July 1 date and they had that available.  The lady I talked to said they would have my phone switched by 8 p.m. on July 1, guaranteed. I told the lady not once, not twice but three times that they would have to bring a crew because it was a new construction and the nearest drop was 800 feet away and there were trees, gravel road and a lake to deal with.  Three times I was told that the service tech would run a wire to the neighbor's pole and they would come back at a later date to bury the line.

On July 1, i waited for this super service guy to show up. After all, she said 8 p.m. guaranteed.  About 5 p.m., the Verizon technician shows up. He drives up and down my road twice and then comes up to tell me that there are too many trees, a gravel road and a lake for him to deal with so they will have to send a crew out.  The only thing I could think of to say was "No shit? Really? A whole crew? You mean you can't do it yourself? Maybe I should have told the dumbass lady that 2 weeks ago?"

So, I return to my current residence and of course, Verizon has cut off my phone service. DSL was working though.  I called Verizon and after talking to a computer for ten minutes where the mechanical voice "tested my line and couldn't find a problem" I was finally able to talk to one of Verizon's trained monkeys.  He kept insisting that they had to turn my phone off to turn the new location on. I explained that that wasn't going to happen today. He insisted they had until 8 p.m., guaranteed.  I finally explained to the monkey's supervisor that the service tech was there, left and wasn't coming back. He said my phone would be back on in 15 minutes.

At precisely midnight that night, out goes my DSL. So, in the morning, at 8 a.m. July 2, I called the monkey help line. I was told by some monkey that they had to turn my DSL off to move it to the new location. I explained the situation and that there was no phone line to move it to. He checked and said that they had a move order for July 9 so he would restore it until then. I waited almost 40 hours. Nothing.

So at 11:30 p.m. on July 3, I call the "help" line and after spending 10 minutes with the computer I get to speak to a woman in India.  They don't even pretend to be in the U.S. any more though they still adopt a friendly "American" name. Sally with a dot in her forehead told me that my new service wouldn't be ready until July 9. I couldn't get through to her so I asked for her supervisor. I was promptly connected to a trained monkey in the Philippines.  I of course had to start over with my explanations and the monkey couldn't deviate from his script. I finally asked for a supervisor and was connected to the head Filipino monkey named "Alan".   Alan finally understood the problem but said that they in the Philippines couldn't do anything about it. He said that I could call back at 8 a.m and could speak to an American that could turn it back on.  A little perturbed, I went to bed.  At 1:28 A.M., the phone rings. I pick it up and it is "Alan" calling to tell me he opened a ticket to get my DSL set back up, should happen in the morning.

At 9 AM on July 4, I tried my DSL and of course, nothing.  I called the monkey line and got another dot-head in India so I just told her to connect me with America so she promptly connected me to the Philippines.  The Filipino monkey I was connected to told me that it is holiday in U.S. so only Philippines can help. I explained that "Alan" had been working on it last night. The only thing I could get out of him was that my new service wasn't scheduled to begin until July 9 so of course it wouldn't work yet. He's sitting in a tent in the Philippines on a generator powered laptop picking off flies and I'm the dumbass. I ask for his supervisor and get another monkey supervisor which told me that a ticket was opened on July 2, another on July 3 and a third on July 4th and that I would have to wait on my service date. I asked for his supervisor and got the monkey boss.

The monkey boss said that since my service would not be turned on July 9. I told him that there would not even be a phone line there on July 9 and I wanted my old service restored until they could get it moved. He said that it would continue to be denied until my service date.

The monkey boss called back 10 minutes later to tell me that my service would not be on until July 14. Again I was asked that my old service be restored and he said it couldn't happen.

So, I guess I won't be posting anything more until the morons at Verizon turn my DSL back on. Nimrods.